You are in poor physical and emotional and mental health because you are struggling to understand behaviour that on the surface contradicts the words. It is their way of sucking you into their world and keeping you there, a world of total mindfuck where you always end up the bad guy. But you do not have a soulmate; you have a narcissist pretending to be a soulmate. The more open you are, the more artillery they have. If you need to say anything, either dissemble or be vague or neutral or change the subject. Know what you stand for and know what you are willing to live and die for. Without knowing yourself, you have few boundaries about what you are willing or not willing to tolerate. You are learning new ways to act in the world and redefining yourself and your beliefs, especially about people and relationships. It’s important to have support whether it is a good friend, a counsellor, a group for the abused, even the internet though that is a more dangerous undertaking and not one I recommend.They don’t make common sense and keep moving the boundaries and goalposts to keep you destabilised. Resist the temptation to tell them everything you think and feel. Everyone has ways to withhold, so use your particular way to protect yourself. Strengthen that belief system and set of values that you cherish. Once you learn what manipulative tricks they can use, you will observe them happening. Give yourself time to deal with all that’s happening. Along with support, the most important thing is to start to get back your health and your sanity with small things that give you pleasure or joy or peace. I would also recommend that if you seek counselling that you find someone in your area that deals with trauma and/or abuse. In addition, do not buy e-books that invariably are self-published, because they don’t answer to any mental health, ethical or professional standard; charlatans/narcissists abound on the net. Nurture Your Soul Once in a while, do some small kind thing for someone that will make their day. Say something complimentary to someone, even a stranger.
They are consistently very oblivious of their effect on others.Women who are narcissistic think about themselves before others and act as if the world revolves around them.Women who have narcissistic personality disorder also always put themselves first; however, the personality disorder affects their lives occupationally and socially.Nor is it any use feeling sorry for them when you are trapped with them because they will simply use all your feeling against you. I used to use a Hebrew blessing as a mantra when my mind wandered into poisonous realms. It’s about tearing yourself away from everything being about them during all your waking hours and probably your dreams.You need to harden your heart in order to see very clearly what you are dealing with. Observe and Trust Your Gut Distinguish between what is feeling in yourself and your gut instinct, and switch to trusting your gut. This is a challenge because it takes a huge force of will to do this and goes against all the training they gave you to ensure that they take up all the space inside your head. Ignore Content There is no content for narcissists except the kind that will suck you in. Do not listen to or give importance to the content of what narcissists say. If you think about being fair and noble, you might be left destitute. Silence is Golden It is natural to want to share yourself with your soulmate. Get Support Anyone dealing intimately with the disordered is going to be emotionally and mentally abused.